My
life is complicated and beautiful and full of so many good things and so full
of challenges that pinch and poke, prod and pull me in the right direction. And
I try really hard not to complain.
I try
not to look at my friends and compare my life to theirs. I know that's not
fair. We are all individuals with unique challenges. If God see us all as
special and worthy of his special attention then that is the only opinion I
need to judge myself by.
But
sometimes I feel... lonely, forgotten, unworthy not of Heavenly Father's love
but peoples love.
I know
I've said this many, many, many times but read to the end I promise you'll want
to read that
I feel
like I'm missing all the cute happy things that come with having someone in
your life.
All my
friends are getting married or dating someone
And it’s
not just my friends
Random
people I see in the halls or on the street or in the grocery store that are
holding hands or smiling at each other have started to grate against my soul.
January
and February are especially hard for me. January just because of its bleak,
cold, colorless, lifeless nature has always been draining to me. and then
February has always been hard for me for obvious reasons... but I guess in a
way I'm lucky on the 14th of the 2nd month better to never have loved or been
loved by anyone I don't think of as family then to have lost love right?
I
should consider myself lucky that my heart was spared any High School romances.
I have
so much life ahead of me! I still have plenty of time to feel the magic of a
first love, all the cute and the cruel are still waiting for me. They will have
to wait for me a little longer because even with all this longing inside me
I've felt that it’s right for me to go on a mission. Heavenly Father is in
charge of my life and He wants me out on a Mission.
This
is not something I've planed. In fact I had a good plan. It just wasn't the
right plan for right now.
