Easter Blues

today has been one of those days were people I know pass me and say "how are you?" and I plaster a smile on my face because i know they don't really care that I'm feeling slightly broken inside and they are probably too busy to listen to me cry anyway. so i say "good" and keep walking until I can get to my computer so I can blog about how I'm really doing.

I am 21 years old and this is the first Easter ever I will not be spending it with my family.
"so what no big deal lots of people don't get to be with there families on holidays"
the answer is in the why not the what.
my family in not going at home over Easter
they are going to be down in Monroe
" you usually like spending time in Monroe whats the big deal"
well now Monroe is five hours away from school
and my family won't even be spending family time there

you see my dad just bought a grocery store and they have planed all of these "Easter Activities" for the store. and I know it sounds stupid and bratty and super spoiled to say this but I don't want to have to share my families attentions with a bunch of strangers! 
and right now I just have a whole lot of anger towards this grocery store and how I feel like it's tearing my family apart. since its brand new my mom and dad (who not only own the store but also are its executive managers) have been spending all of there time there leaving my two youngest brothers at our home in Woods Cross alone! (which should be fine I know they are both mature enough to take care of themselves)
but I know that the over all plan is in about three years when my youngest brother graduates from High School they will move permanently down to Monroe. 
which gets me to what I'm really mad at 
I AM MAD AT MY FATHER FOR TAKING AWAY MY CHILDHOOD HOME!!!
I'm feeling mad and abandoned and just upset and super lonely.
I don't want to have to compete  WITH A GROCERY STORE for my parents attention especially not at Easter or any holiday for that matter.
just like I didn't like having to compete with the scouting program for 13 years for my moms attention.

anyway I have been telling myself its fine that I'm not with my family for Easter but its not, it's really not. even though I will see them next week which is when we will have our family Easter celebrations and the week after that. right now I'm hurting and nothing can be done to fix it but time (I forgot how much i hate that cliche  phrase until I typed it just now)